WWE Silly Style 2
by wrestlefan4
Summary: WWE SILLY STYLE REVISITED! I decided to make a second crack story. It's fun, and meant to make you laugh. Will include lots of WWE and TNA ppl along with Legends. Hold on to your hats! Will contain slashiness Rated M to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

WWE Silly Style 2

_**A/N: If any of you remember the first epic of insanity WWE Silly Style, well…I'm revisiting my crack!fic side. Various superstars, legends, and TNA ppl. May be slash may not, lots of randomness, and silliness. Some chapters may be in chapter form while others may be in chat or other forms whatever my mind and muses come up with. I'm dedicating the craziness to my ladies you know who you are :-)**_

Chatroom WWW

**Jerichottie: **What's w/ the WWW

**Flairgasm: **Wooooooooooooooo!

**AllieCat_AJ: ***facepalm*

**Jerichottie: **?

**RowdyShoutyPiper: **WWW is what McMahon is gonna call our new rasslin brand

**Jerichottie: **What are you doing here old man Piper? *pokes*

**Flairgasm: **Pipes! *pounces*

**RowdyShoutyPiper: **I signed a contract Jericho that's why

**AllieCat_AJ: **What does the WWW stand for?

**Jerichottie: **World Wide Web you stupid tapeworm

**AllieCat_AJ: -________-**

**Flairgasm: **World Wide WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

**AllieCat_AJ: ***facepalm*

**RowdyShoutyPiper: **No it stands for World Wide Wrestling cause WWE and TNA has merged

**AllieCat_AJ: **That's stupid

**RowdyShoutyPiper: **That's McMahon for ya

**Flairgasm: ***snerk* WOoOoOoOOOOOooooooOoOoooooOooOoo

**AllieCat_AJ: **Rod you better go get the alchy away from Ric I think he's had enough

**Flairgasm: **Old MacDonald had a farm E-I-E-I WOOOOOOOOOOOO!

***RowdyShoutyPiper has left chat***

**Jerichottie: **Brillant Styles you just sent one old drunk after the other and now you're gonna have two old drunks

***RobertisRude has entered chat***

***StormWarning has entered chat***

**AllieCat_AJ: **Now we have two more drunks…this is not AA

**RobertisRude: **AA is for quitters!!!

**StormWarning: ***makes cross w/fingers* BLASPHEME *guzzles beer*

***Jerichottie has left chat***

**AllieCat_AJ: ***shifty eyes* Maybe I should go check on Ric

**RobertisRude: **D'aw AJ you can stay and play with us

**RobertisRude: **Right James?

**StormWarning: ***burp* Huh?

***EricsABitchOff has entered the chat***

**AllieCat_AJ: **O.O EB is that you?

**RobertisRude: **Bwahahahaha *pokes Jarrett*

**EricsABitchOff: -_______-**

**EricsABitchOff: **No AJ it's me Jeff I just wanted to see if you still wanna go out tonight

**AllieCat_AJ: **Oh yeah I almost forgot

**RobertisRude: **Ooh whats this a date?

**AllieCat_AJ: **O.O NO

**EricsABitchOff: **Um…no. Just two guys platonically hanging out…can't men just be friends anymore?

**RobertisRude: **Well sure they can but whats the fun in that? Right James?

**StormWarning: ***tosses Robert a beer* Right JJ *leers at*

**EricsABitchOff: ***blush* Come on guys stop it with the insinuations and leering

**RobertisRude: **Yeah and you and lil AJ are gonna get it on *swivels hips* AJJJ

**StormWarning: **JJJJJJJJ…A…J.

**RobertisRude: **~.o Stormy I think you been hittin something stronger than the beer

**StormWarning: **Money!!!!

**AllieCat_AJ: ***eyeroll*

**RobertisRude: **Listen JJ looks like Allie over there is too shy to show you a real good time but I reckon Stormy and I ain't so bashful. Why don't you toss that little snotball to the gutter and hang with some real men

**AllieCat_AJ: **Hey I'm a real man I've got the same equipment as you!

**StormWarning: **Let's see

**AllieCat_AJ: **N-no *blushes* No. NO.

**StormWarning: **What's wrong AJ ain't as phenomenal as you claim to be? *lmao*

**RobertisRude: ***snerk* Good one *highfives James*

**RoberisRude: **Listen JJ we're gonna get your pretty ass one way or the other

**AllieCat_AJ: **You can't have him he's my date :-(

**StormWarning: **HAHAHAHA

**AllieCat_AJ: **Ugh I hate you guys. HATE.

**EricsABitchOff: **I'm no ones date! *fumes* You know what, I'm done.

***EricsABitchOff has left chat***

**RobertisRude: **Aw go on James and go get JJ from his room so we can have some real fun

**StormWarning: **K

***StormWarning has left chat***

**AllieCat_AJ: **But what about me! You idiots have ruined my evening *stomps foot and pouts*

**RobertisRude: **What were you gonna try to get lucky? Little innocent AJ wanted some JJ action?

**AllieCat_AJ: **Uh…maybe. *hides*

**RobertisRude: **Huh. Well, JJ's ours now. Sorry bout your damn fuck.

***RobertisRude has left chat***

AllieCat_AJ: -______________-

***AllieCat_AJ has left chat***


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: A few of my friends and I have this theory that Shawn and AJ are Ric Flairs illegitimate children. If you would like to know more about this theory, you could check out 'Sins of The Father' this is a serious fic written by Seraphalexiel, xShawnsGuardianAngelx and wrestlefan4. If interested you can find it on Seraphalexiel's ffic page. So that's where this crack came from. Nothing in this is meant to offend, or disrespect. It's all just here in hopes you'll laugh at it._

**WWE Silly Style 2**

Dr. Phil

Shawn Michaels eased himself into the chair that was one of many set up on the small stage. He couldn't believe he had agreed to do this—it was only another crazy decision to add onto his list of recent insanity. He wasn't even wrestling anymore, he was retired, and wanted leave that world behind. Now here he was dragged back into it, well, kind of. All the men he was sitting with were fellow wrestlers, that was except for the creepy looking bald man with the gray mustache that looked like a push broom.

With a sigh Shawn looked around at the faces on the stage: Ric, A.J., Hunter, Bret, Vince, and Rod. Shawn had not wanted to be here, but after a lot of praying and soul searching he knew he had to swallow his anger and show up.

He just hoped it wasn't going to end in chaos, like most things did with these men.

"Today on Dr. Phil I'm here with another fucked up family…The Flair family." The creeper host Dr. man waved his hand towards the men. "We have the patriarch of the family Ric, who left both his sons so he could dress up like a foofoo and roll around on the floor with half-naked sweaty men—and get paid for it. Wait…" Dr. Phil scratched his head, wondering if he was reading the cue cards correctly. He turned to Ric who stuffed a silver flask quickly into the inner pocket of his suit jacket, and rolled his eyes up towards the ceiling innocently. "Does that mean you left your two sons to be a whore?"

"No, I only left one to be a whore. The other I was only 16 when he was born."

"Oh, well…that makes it a little more socially acceptable. You were whoring because you were mentally scarred from the trauma of childhood pregnancy."

"Hey wait a minute, I never whored for anyone and if I did I certainly didn't get knocked up!" Ric protested.

"Anyway," Dr. Phil went on. "Roddy is Ric's mouthy and disgruntled house wife. She--"

"Whoa, hey you wait just a minute here ya baldheaded monkey—I'm a man!"

"She also has a gender identity disorder." Dr. Phil went on.

"Hey, didn't you just hear me? I ain't no woman, I got a set under here!" Roddy pointed towards between his legs.

"Under the skirt you're wearing, right." Dr. Phil quirked an eyebrow. "Or have you already been through the operation? Would you like me to refer to you as a transman?"

"No I wouldn't, and if ya say that again I'm gonna beat the dog outta ya!"

"Oh I'm sorry, then you're a transwoman."

"I'm a man you idiot!" Roddy shouted, flying up from his chair and towards Dr. Phil who shrieked. Ric and A.J. grabbed onto Roddy and pulled him back into his chair.

"Just calm down Pipes, he's a doctor, he don't know shit from shinola."

"Then why the hell we here?" Roddy grumped, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Cause Pipes I'm trying to do the right thing and fix my family."

Shawn rolled his eyes.

"You think of this after forty-plus years?" Shawn scoffed, moodily shifting in his chair.

"Ahem, ya'll are interrupting my introduction so shut up." Dr. Phil smiled. "Next to Roddy there is Hunter who Ric has called his adopted son while disowning his real ones. I guess he wanted a big dog instead two toy poodles."

Shawn narrowed his eyes, but said nothing, only let out a suffering sigh.

"What do dogs have to do with this?" A.J. blinked, the reference clearly going over his head.

"I mean maybe Ric wanted a real man for a son, but his genes obviously got it wrong." Dr. Phil said, and nodded to Hunter. "Hunter is also the ex-lover and best friend of Shawn. Now, on to A.J. Allen is Ric's second child. Since getting to know his father A.J. has developed a complex for walking around in robes like a lost boy. These robes are symbolic like a security blanket. These robes make A.J. feel close to the father he never had, because his father was a whore."

"I am not a whore! I am a sixteen…sixteen…SIXTEEN TIME…WOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"You've had sixteen men at once, I call that a whore." Dr. Phil gasped, shaking his head. "Next is Vince McMahon who is owner of the brothel, and who Shawn considers as his adopted father. Vince McMahon is also a giant asshole."

"Well, finally somethin' we agree on." Roddy slapped Phil on the back.

"Ow. Anyway, that leads us to Shawn. Shawn is Flair's first son, who he bore at the tender young age of sixteen. Since Shawn never had Ric in his life he had a rough way to go feeling unloved and worthless, because his father left him to later become a whore. So Shawn had become a whore-icon like his father. They worked for the same brothel but Shawn never knew his idol was also his father until recently."

Dr. Phil paused, waiting for the inevitable interjection from Shawn, identical to Ric's, that he was 'not a whore' but the Texan said nothing.

"Next to Shawn and last but not least we have Bret Hart. Bret is here because he is Shawn's lover. He and Shawn have had a rough past after Shawn screwed him over for some guy called Montreal."

"Oh no, no Dr. Phil Montreal is a place…" Bret's eyes darkened. "A bad, bad place."

"Oh Bret, I thought we were past this!" Shawn frowned, wrenching his hand from Bret's and stuffing it into his lap.

"Princess come on, it doesn't mean it never happened." Bret coaxed, trying to reach for Shawn's hand.

"Bret Hart has a god-complex and he is also a habitual liar known to go to the extremes of faking a leg injury to dupe McMahon into an extreme rules match." Phil went on.

"I don't have a god complex, I am a god!" Bret snapped, to which Shawn huffed. "And that leg injury is called a storyline, you dumbass."

"You can call it what ya'll want to, but a lie is a lie and a bitch is a bitch and you are a habitchewal liar. See, your pants are on fire."

Bret leaped up out his chair, smacking at his ass.

"Where? Where!"

"Ha, just kiddin'." Dr. Phil laughed.

Bret glared, and grabbed Dr. Phil out of his chair and tossed him to the floor.

"Why the hell did I agree to come here? This was almost as stupid as deciding to date Shawn again! My life has been hell!"

Shawn's jaw fell slack, unbelieving what Bret had just declared on national t.v.

Bret kicked Dr. Phil a few times as he moaned.

"That's right cousin Bret!" Roddy shouted. "Beat the dog outta him!" Roddy produced a coconut, and lobbed it at Dr. Phil's cue-ball head.

Bret set Dr. Phil up for The Sharpshooter, but just as he was about to lock it in, Dr. Phil reversed. Before Bret could react Dr. Phil had Bret caught in his own move. Dr. Phil cackled as he applied Bret's own maneuver. Earl Hebner ran out of the studio audience and rang the bell, declaring Dr. Phil as the victor. Dr. Phil let Bret go, and turned to the studio audience taunting them and flexing pompously.

Shawn pointed, and laughed at Bret.

"That's what you get. SCREWED! AGAIN!"

"You'd know all about being screwed wouldn't you, stupid whore." Hunter huffed. "You never should have left me to hook back up with him."

Shawn jumped for Hunter and the two began to roll around throwing punches.

Vince was calling Cena on his phone, asking him to fly in with his superman powers and save the day. Cena had to decline however, because his cape was at the drycleaners.

"Woooooooo!" Ric leaped out of his chair and swung the object over his head…and randomly started to bleed.

"Oh no." Roddy shook his head. "Come on Ric, we better find some bandages."

Roddy left with Ric and A.J. followed them. Shawn and Hunter took their fight backstage, as Dr. Phil still taunted. His theme music played to further highlight his victory over Hart—for some reason Dr. Phil's theme music was Party In The USA by Miley Montana or Hannah Cyrus or whatever her name is. Bret slowly picked himself up off the floor, unable to wrap his head around what had just happened.

"What are you gonna do now Bret-god, huh?" Dr. Phil taunted. "Come on big Pink, come get me Eggsalad of Electrocution!" Dr. Phil sneered and wiggled his fingers in a 'come get some' motion. "Come on big man, what you gonna do when Philamania runs wiiiiiiiiiild on you brother! Come on, what you gonna do!"

Bret's eyes narrowed at Dr. Phil, and then they turned to someone else. Bret moved towards the smaller man with mal intent in his eyes.

"I'll tell you what I'm going to do…" Bret stalked towards the shivering man in the black and white striped shirt. "I'm going to go away on a life sentence for killing HIM but it'll be worth it!" Bret attacked the man of his bane, and the show was quickly cut to commercial.

A/N: Chapter dedicated:

~In Loving Memory of Earl Hebner~

(No, don't wig out. I don't want to see RIP Hebner trending on twitter because of me. Well, it isn't my fault anyway. Blame Bret.


	3. Chapter 3

Chatroom: Chatroomy?gen

xSwantonBomberx: *dives into chat*

SheamlessFella: And then he offered me a banana and I didn't know THAT was what he meant by it! O.O

WakeyWakeyEggsNSnakey: *lol* The mighty snake goes by many names. I call mine Anaconda. ;-)

SheamlessFella: *blink*

xSwantonBomberx: Call what Anaconda?

WakeyWakeyEggsNSnakey: My bone because the Anaconda is the biggest snake out there.

xSwantonBomberx: Oh I get it man. It's like calling a fat guy slim. It's like … an opposite nickname.

SheamlessFella: *snerk*

WakeyWakeyEggsNSnakey: Don't play dumb Jeff you know you've seen mine before in all of its massive glory.

xSwantonBomberx: *smh*

xSwantonBomberx: I bet Sheamus scares sex away with that pale wand.

SheamlessFella: :-(

xSwantonBomberx: Looks like a fuckin parsnip man.

WakeyWakeyEggsNSnakey: Ha. I bet it blinds people.

xSwantonBomberx: Looks like a fuckin glue stick.

WakeyWakeyEggsNSnakey: Lol!!

xSwantonBomberx: Looks like a fat fuckin joint

WakeyWakeyEggsNSnakey: That no one wants to smoke

xSwantonBomberx: Pass that shit around

*SheamlessFella has left chat*

WakeyWakeyEggsNSnakey: So what do you call yours Hardy?

xSwantonBomberx: A penis.

*MattyPants has entered the chat*

MattyPants: What are we talking about party people?

WakeyWakeyEggsNSnakey: Cock.

MattyPants: Yum.

xSwantonBomberx: Jefflovescock?ygenEnigmaticy?genfuckme

*HunterHasHotdogs has entered chat*

HunterHasHotdogs: *pounce*

MattyPants: :-D

*WakeyWakeyEggsNSnakey has left chat*

HunterHasHotdogs: Has anyone seen my hammer?

MattyPants: Not since last night… *leer*

xSwantonBomberx: Jeffloveshammers?ygenDILLGAFgen?y

HunterHasHotdogs: Not that hammer Matt *lol*

MattyPants: That's the only hammer that matters

HunterHasHotdogs: You have a point there

MattyPants: Yeah I do how'd you know?

xSwantonBomberx: Jefflovespointsthereyge?nPeroxenigma

HunterHasHotdog: *lol* Want me to nail you then? *keeping in line with the carpentry innuendos*

MattyPants: Hell yeah screw me :3 with your big screwdriver

xSwantonBomberx: Jefflovestobescrewed?Drivery?genPerox

HunterHasHotdog: Lefty loosey righty tighty

xSwantonBomberx: Jeffstighty?genyEnigmathreesome

MattyPants: *giggles*

*MattyPants has left chat*

HunterHasHotdog: Jeff you wanna join?

xSwantonBomberx: Hell no I'm not into that stuff

HunterHasHotdog: …

xSwantonBomberx: ? (ygen)

HunterHasHotdog: You're not into it???

xSwantonBomberx: No man I never liked shop class. I took art.

*xSwantonBomberx has left chat*

*HunterHasHotdog has left chat*


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Musicals referenced—A Nightmare Before Christmas, The Sound of Music, Oliver!, and Mary Poppins. Teehee. _

Diet: The Musical

Chris had been awake in bed until the early hours of the morning, thinking about it. His weary eyes glanced over at the small clock-numbers and he almost giggled. His head felt fuzzy and his body felt heavy. When he swung his legs out of bed he felt as if he was moving in slow motion. It was the classic 'I'm so exhausted I feel drunk' syndrome. He had decided if he had given up his sleep to entertain such mouthwatering thoughts that he would at least finally indulge in them. He got to his feet and glanced over his shoulder at Matt who was sleeping soundly on the other edge of the bed. Chris made his way out of the house without being noticed and drove to the place that could fulfill all of his recent fantasies. He knew he shouldn't be here doing this, but at home all that was waiting him was the unfulfilling taste of cardboard in its many incarnations that Matt felt fit to stock their cabinets with. Chris sighed, and got out of the car. He shuffled around the nearly empty parking lot, the shadows of night still lingering at the edges of a gray morning. In a soft voice, he began to sing.

"There are few who'd deny, at what I do I am the best, for my talents are renowned far and wide. When it comes to victories on the spot-lit stage, I excel without ever even trying. With the slightest little effort of my entrancing charm I have seen grown men give out a sigh. With the wave of my hand, and a well-placed moan I have swept the very straightest off their feet. Yet day after day, it's the same damn thing, and I Chris, the Donut King! Am reminded I should lose a little weight, and I have grown so tired of the pudgy hate."

Chris kicked at an empty plastic bottle, and headed towards the doors as soon as the neon sign showed "Open".

Sneaking back in proved to be just as easy. He moved towards the kitchen with the white paper bag in his hand, sat it on the table, and crumpled it open. He had to get rid of it before Matt was awake to find him doing such a bad thing, but he couldn't help to take his time, at first just staring at it with a joyful smile on his face. It was so beautiful, the perfect square of sweetness, iced with a pretty pink. It had caught his eye right away when he'd walked into the shop, the girl behind the counter telling him he was the first customer of the day, and then not so discretely looking him over, as he was wearing only a small pair of boxer-briefs and Matt's bunny slippers.

He hadn't even noticed her ogling though because the smell of fresh baked delights was overwhelming and each offering displayed behind the glass cases beckoned to him. After much deliberation he made a few choices and now he was brining one of those to his lips. He bit in sighing happily when the sugary cream spilled into his mouth and he practically melted out of his chair with joy. His life was about to become a musical as another bite would no doubt send him dancing around the kitchen as the waking birds sang harmony.

"The hills are alive with the love of pastries--with creams I haven't tasted for a million days! Duncan Donuts fills my belly with the yummy tasties; jelly-filled, cake or glaaaaaazed!"

"Chris, what the--?" Matt rubbed at his sleepy eyes.

Chris yelped at being caught in the act and nearly toppled off of the table which he was twirling on when Matt had blundered into the kitchen. Chris seemed more worried about saving the whatever was in his hands from falling more than himself, and Matt could only shake his head. Chris was just lucky that the rainbow birds that had fluttered in through the open windows caught him and righted him. Matt watched in confusion as woodland creatures with big sappy eyes wandered around, and in the corner a group of mice with tiny vests and hats were constructing a ball-gown out of paper towels. Matt slapped himself in the face, thinking he must clearly be dreaming. When he pulled his hand off of his face, there were no animals in the kitchen save Lucas, and Chris wasn't on the table. Matt's blond troublemaker was standing scuffling the toe of Matt's bunny slipper against the tile as he rolled his eyes towards the ceiling whistling innocently. His hands were behind his back, clearly hiding something.

"Alright Chris, hand it over." Matt said, striding towards his pouting lover.

"I don't wanna!"

"We both agreed to do this diet thing together, now come on. I know it ain't fun, hell you know how much I love food myself, but we've got to keep each other on track. Now…what do you have there behind your back Chris?"

"My ass." Chris shot back, with a smirk twisting one side of mouth upwards.

Matt sighed, annoyed.

"Fine Chris, you know what? It doesn't matter. I'll just do this by myself and suffer alone. I'm gonna go back to bed." Matt yawned, and trudged out of the kitchen.

Chris stuck his tongue out at the disappeared form of Matt, and went back to his chair with the treat he had quickly hidden behind his back. He nearly choked on his second mouthful when Matt rounded the corner.

"Ha!" Matt shouted, pointing at Chris. "Going back to bed my ass!" Matt strode towards the table and snatched the barely nibbled donut out of Chris's hand.

"Hey!" Chris coughed. "That's mine!"

"Unless this is a tofu donut, it's not diet." Matt plucked up the paper sack. "These are going in the trash, come on man…sneaking sweets isn't gonna cut it."

"Matt you can't—you can't you wouldn't!" Chris fell to his knees and clutched at Matt's ankle as Matt tried to shake him off. "You'll break my heart! You'll crush my soul! You can't throw them away they're precious little morsels and they deserve to be enjoyed and cherished!"

"Chris, let go. I'm throwing them out and that's that." Matt finally managed to shake Chris away and he went for the trashcan, and dumped the donut and the bag with the untouched others to their sad demise. He turned to see Chris still on the floor, sitting there pouting as epically as he ever had before.

"You have taken my joy and stomped it into the ground—you should be ashamed of yourself you…you…joy stomper!" Chris whined, as Matt moved past him to the pantry.

Matt brought a box of cereal, two small bowls, and two spoons to the table and then snagged a jug of skim milk from the fridge. He filled his own bowl and sat down, munching on it.

"Come on Chris, aren't you going to have breakfast with me?" Matt asked, glancing down at the diva, who was glaring fit to kill.

"No, you're barbaric." Chris grumped. "And that crap you have isn't breakfast—it's doom."

Matt laughed.

"It's health cereal with fiber and stuff."

"It's despair and agony in a box, that's what it is." Chris grumbled, getting up to his feet. He took the extra bowl and spoon Matt had gotten out for him and put them away.

"You better eat something or else you'll just be starving. How 'bout the Slim Fast? It ain't too bad." Matt suggested, crunching through his cereal.

Chris sighed and moved towards the fridge. He felt as though he was standing in line with a tiny bowl in his hands, waiting for tasteless gruel to be slopped into it.

"Is it worth the weighting for, if I drop a little more? All I ever get is di...et!" Chris huffed. "If ev'ry day I say a prayer -- will it change the bill of fare? Still I get the same old di...et! There's no junk food, not a sweet can I find, can I beg, can I borrow, or cadge, but there's nothing to stop me from getting a thrill when I close my eyes and imag...ine!" With a slow smile, Chris did just that. He closed his eyes and remembered the amazing taste that had sat fleeting on his tongue only moments ago. "Donuts, glorious donuts! Hotly made and iced, while I'm in the mood! Oh jelly and custard! Please frosting and sprinkles!"

Matt interrupted Chris' day dream—again!

"Chris, what are you doing?"

"My starved body is hallucinating, assclown!"

Matt shook his head. Chris opened the fridge door and pulled out a cold can of Slim Fast. He glared at it. He had decided as soon as Matt had brought it into the house that it was nothing but pure evil, it was like the cum of Satan with a pull-tab for convenience. With a growl Chris opened it, and brought the can to his lips. He sipped it a little, and made over exaggerated gagging sounds. Matt ignored him, took his bowl to the sink, and then went into the living room. Chris quickly turned and dumped the vanilla flavored vileness into Lucas's dog bowl. He scooted Lucas towards the bowl and watched as the little dog lapped it all up.

"Good boy, good job Lucas." Chris scratched behind the small animals ears, then called to Matt. "Hey babe, I'm gonna take Lucas out for a walk!"

Matt hurried back into the kitchen for a moment, with a small white bottle in his hand. After a moment of fiddling with the safety cap he got the thing undone, and dumped one of the tablets into Chris' hand.

"What is it?" Chris asked, blinking down at it.

"It's a diet supplement thing it has like green tea and stuff in it that's supposed to boost the metabolism. It'll help to shed the extra pounds quicker." Matt added, before swallowing one himself.

Chris shrugged, and moved towards the back door. He grabbed Lucas' leash and clipped it to his collar, and then peered into the trashcan that sat next to the back door. The bag Matt had confiscated was right on top, still curled neatly closed. With a smirk Chris plucked it up and hurried out the back door with Lucas following behind him. Chris sat on the back deck and for a childish moment taunted 'nah-nah-nah-boo-boo' as he pulled one of the donuts from the bag. The top of it was glazed and from one side a blob of red jelly leaked, giving away the surprise of the filling. Chris looked down at the tiny pill Matt had placed in his hand, and with a shrug, he poked it into donut, and took a big bite.

"Mmmm so good Lucas." Chris mumbled around a greedy mouthful. He leaned back in the deck chair, thoroughly enjoying himself. "Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, the medicine go dow-own, the medicine go down! Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, in a most delightful way!"

Chris finished his stolen goodies just in time—the glass doors to the deck slid open and Matt stepped out.

"You two back from your walk already?" Matt glanced down at Chris who was stretched out in one of the plastic chairs.

"Uh, yeah. Whew!" Chris puffed. "We ran. It was great cardio, right Lucas?" Chris asked. The little dog jumped into Chris' lap and yipped. Matt scooped the furry dog into his arms.

"I don't get it, Chris. Out of the two of you, Lucas seems to be the only one whose slimming down, isn't he?"

"Hm…well…" Chris stammered for a moment, before coming up with the perfect answer. "Dog years are different than human years Matty, so maybe dog pounds are also different from human pounds."

_Or…it could be the donuts._


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: I don't like Nexus or Cena, and don't plan to write much about either. This just...happened. So lol if you must :)_

Chatroom: Sexus

TheGingerBoyWonder: And that's why I think we should have had a vote for our name, and my suggestion would have won out.

xImJustInGabrielx: No, Heath. I wouldn't have the name of _my _stable known by something so obscene.

TheGingerBoyWonder: But what's wrong with Sexus?

ArcAngelGabriel: You're either Sexus, or against us. Acutally you're against us while you Sexus. There's no other way.

xImJustInGabrielx: All you two think of us getting it up the arse, isn't it my sweet sluts?

TheGingerBoyWonder: ^_^ I once thought about a unicorn.

ArcAngelGabriel: O.o

xImJustInGabrielx: …

*TheChampIsQueer has entered chat*

ArcAngelGabriel: *Facepalm*

TheChampIsQueer: And who do we have in cyberspace tonight but the amazingly non-amazing group…the artists formerly known as Nexus. CM Punk and his epic amounts of body grease from lack of bathing since the tender age of two—has hijacked your cult. CM Punk is secretly Charles Manson, by the way.

TheGingerBoyWonder: O.O OMG…that's what the CM stands for, ISNT IT?

xImJustInGabrielx: -_-

ArcAngelGabriel: Oh no, you've gone and done it now. Wade's done the 'epic pissed' face now.

TheChampIsQueer: Do I look scared to you?

TheGingerBoyWonder: I don't know, I can't see you.

ArcAngelGabriel: Ha, that's what he said.

TheChampIsQueer: No, that's right…you CANT SEE ME *Stupid hand waving gesture done just barely skillfully enough not to hit his stupid self in the nose*

xImJustInGabrielx: That's not where I'd hit you.

ArcAngelGabriel: That's what he said. *wink wink*

TheGingerBoyWonder: You know Wade, for someone who isn't a fan of sexual themes…why's your sn 'ImJustInGabriel' as if WE DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

xImJustInGabrielx: Because I'm Wade Fucking Barrett and my name can be Pope Barack Clinton Jesus McMahon MacBeth MacPC The Fourth if I want it to!

TheChampIsQueer: You're name could be—

*TH3_ROCK has entered the chat*

TH3_ROCK: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!

*TH3_ROCK has left the chat*

xImJustInGabrielx: Bollocks.

TheChampIsQueer: That's right, it doesn't matter what your name is Wade, 'cause your boy Angel Gabe is gonna be moanin' mine out all night long.

TheGingerBoyWonder: I'm his boy too :-(

ArcAngelGabriel: That's what he said (but he didn't mean it)

TheGingerBoyWonder: :O What? ;_;

TheChampIsQueer: Oh come on Girl From Wendy's, face it Gingey, why would the British Sex Appeal want you when he could have Adam Lamberts slightly less flamboyant stunt double…for all the times he and Simon got too hard core behind the scenes. Why I ask you?

ArcAngelGabriel: I AM NOT ADAM LAMBERT!

TheChampIsQueer: Oh we all know that, remember karaoke? You can't sing. I'm sure you could with the right kinda microphone stuffed between your teeth though. *wink wink*

xImJustInGabrielx: I'm afraid this has gone on for far too long, Cena. Do you know who you're speaking to? This man is my Angel and no one elses.

TheGingerBoyWonder: ;_; I'm no one elses either *sobs*

ArcAngelGabriel: John your penis is a microphone?

xImJustInGabrielx: Everyone's penis is micro compared to mine.

TheChampIsQueer: That's just 'cause objects in your mirror as you whack off by your lonely self may appear larger.

xImJustInGabrielx: Oh sod off Cena. My skills as a lover are comparable to my skills in the ring, in a word: brilliant. To give credit where credit is due, however, Cena…I'm sure your skills as a lover are likewise comparable to your skills in the ring. That is to say, they consist of three basic and overused maneuvers, which get more and more boring and depressing night after night after *yawn* night.

ArcAngelJustin: *standing ovation for Wade Barrett*

TheChampIsQueer: Well…you're a douchebag.

*TheChampIsQueer has left the chat*

xImJustInGabrielx: I certainly am.

*xImJustInGabrielx has left the chat*

ArcAngelJustin: Oh but you are my sexy douchebag.

*ArcAngelJustin has left the chat*

TheGingerBoyWonder: : I wish I had a Frosty.


End file.
